Inspired by a good friend who wants to feel like she matters. You do, girl. You do.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I miss Clay Aiken

There was a man, a lonely man
Who lost his love through his indifference
A heart that cared, that went unshared
Until it died in his silence
And Solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down,
And by himself, it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again
And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire
Another day, a lonely day
So much to say that goes unspoken
And through the night, his sleepless nights
His eyes are closed, his heart is broken
And Solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down,
And by himself it's easy to pretend
She's coming back again
And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire
A little hope, goes up in smoke
Just how it goes, goes without saying
Solitaire
And by himself it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again
Ohhh
And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing
Solitaire
Solitaire, solitaire

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Quotes from S. Barry

Just finished the book. I believe that I have found a modern classic.

Wow.

It's a story that will stay with me for a long time.

There are so many parts of the story that can't be touched--altogether poetic and inspiring.

There was only one part that I could have done without (i.e. taking a dump scene)... yet even in the context of the story it does work, I just felt like the imagery was a bit too vivid for my taste.

At some level, the entire time I was reading the novel, I knew that it couldn't end with hope. So, I think that perhaps one of the geniuses of the story is that Barry gives the reader until the final chapter the thin string of hope or perhaps a hopefulness for a larger purpose in all of the story's madness--even when you know logically that this cannot be the case. There will be no Hollywood ending, no silver lining, no brown paper packages tied up with string. In the end, the reality is that the war only takes. It doesn't give anything, not mercy, not manliness, certainly not hope. It is unforgiving to the bitter end. It couldn't have been any other way.

Maybe I was hoping for a life lesson--one all encompassing one since there appears to be a few smaller ones placed throughout the book? This is an author with answers who uses his main character to artfully dig deeply into the questions, answers, and everything in between on such topics as family, love, courage, fidelity, patriotism, and war. And, yet, for some reason, the end was a bit too abrupt for me. Can't say anymore without ruining it. Well, ack. no I really can't say anything else.. nuts!

Anyhow, out of context these excerpts might not have the same impact...but here are some of my favorite lines from the book..as always, it's not just what you say but how you say it, and Sebastian Barry says it perfectly.

From A Long Long Way:

"It was like waiting for the end of the world but at the same time planning for next years harvest. They were doomed, but not just today." p.282

"The weather was evil beyond the window, a harsh sleet pinning the darkness with a million pins. He loved her so much he wept. That was how it was for Willie Dunne, and maybe they were matters that could only be taken away from him." p.12

"No man in truth regretted being raised above his fellows, that was a human fact, Willie supposed. But the raised-up ones needed to be of the ilk of Captain Pasley for it to make sense." p. 32

"They looked like the men at the back of any Irish country church on a Sunday, kneeling on one knee in manly fashion, the women of the parishes ranged on the seat proper. But they were not talking of beasts and ewes now, it was not their God they were waiting for, but the long shadows of the friends of Death himself. There was no star of Bethlehem here, nor wise men nor kings, only poor Tommies of Irishmen, Joe Soaps of back streets and small lives. Heroic things had been suggested to them, and though they were not heroes as you might read about in old Greek stories, their hearts, such as they were, answered. No man could come out to the war without some thought of proper duty, some inkling of possible deeds to match the tales they heard as children. There were no fathers or mothers here now, no raggedy dresses, no ringing games, spires or familiar churches, no ancient stones set upon the other, no St. Patrick's Cathedral and no Christ Church. Only a furrow of excellent agricultural clay where they in their complete insignificance crouched. This was not a scene of bravery, but it seemed to Willie in his fear and horror that there was a truth in it nonetheless. It was the thing before a joke was fashioned about it, before an anecdote was conjured up to make it safe, before a proper story in the newspaper, before some fellow with the wits would make a history of it. In the bleakness of its birth there was an unsullied truth, this tiny event that might make a corpse of him and all his proper dreams." p. 111

read it.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

From eSSORTMENT ME/HIM

"Grief is a somewhat complicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some time or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are the same.

There are five stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or the other, the process of grieving is not complete, and cannot be complete. Thus there will be no healing. A person MUST go through the five stages to be well again, to heal. Not everyone goes through the stages at the same time. It is different for each person. You cannot force a person through the stages, they have to go at their own pace, and you may go one step forward then take two steps backward, but this is all part of the process, and individual to each person. But, as stressed, ALL five stages must be completed for healing to occur.

The five stages of grief are:
1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familiar places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss. CHECK, CHECK

2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving. CHECK, CHECK

3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back. CHECK, CHECK

4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal. CHECK, CHECK

5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person. NO, RESIGNATION CHECK..ACCEPTANCE NO.

Get help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to fascilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic. "

SCORE CARD:
ME: 1, 2, 3, some 5; HIM: 2, 1, 3, 4

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

STYX - Babe (Dennis DeYoung)

Babe, I'm leaving, I must be on my way
The time is drawing near
My train is going, I see it in your eyes
The love, the need, your tears
But I'll be lonely without you
And I'll need your love to see me through
Please believe me, my heart is in your hands
And I'll be missing you.
You know it's you Babe
Whenever I get weary and I've had enough
Feel like giving up
You know it's you Babe
Giving me the courage and the strength I need
Please believe that it's true
Babe, I love you.
You know it's you Babe
Whenever I get weary and I've had enough
Feel like giving up
You know it's you Babe
Giving me the courage and the strength I need
Please believe that it's true
Babe, I love you.
Babe, I'm leaving, I'll say it once again
Somehow try to smile
I know the feeling we're trying to forget
If only for a while
But I'll be lonely without you
And I'll need your love to see me through
Please believe me, my heart is in your hands
And I'll be missing you
Babe, I love you.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Artist: Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it OK
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

Chorus :
In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel, may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escape one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

[Chorus]

In the arms of the Angel, may I find some comfort there