Getting Older

It's been a few days since my last post but I've been wrapped up in the political news, chasing after my daughters, and yes, turning one year older. Yesterday I turned 27 years old. Throughout the day I spoke to people, all older then me (except my daughter of course!), about what 27 means.

I spoke to one friend, Deb, who just turned 30 in June. She said she had no crisis on her birthday because she felt like she was in a pretty good place in her life. She has a house, two children, and she's been teaching for six years. These were the milestones that she mentioned herself and it made me think...what do I want my life to look at 30?

Truthfully, I felt older on my 26th birthday than my 27th because I felt like, "Yikes, now I'm on the down slope of the 20's!" But, I didn't then, and I don't now, feel old. I bet you're thinking, "Nor should you!" But I am getting older. Like my friend, I also have a house and two children but not as much teaching experience. I've been a stay-at home mother since my first daughter was born in 2002. I did go through a phase when not working really bothered me and I was even excited about getting back as soon as possible. But, no longer. Call it wisdom, call it just something I tell myself to make myself feel better, yet I think it's more than that, nevertheless, I am no longer in a rush to do anything.

My children will only be young once. And at this point in my life I just can't see being apart from them all day or even part of the day. I respect women who chose to work and I respect those who stay home. Unfortunately, many women in each group don't have much respect for the other and I feel that this does a disservice to both groups. Women have fought so hard in the past 100 years to give us the opportunity to be anything we want to be. Anything means anything so that means it should be as okay to be a scientist or entrepreneur as it is to be a homemaker or stay-at-home mom.

Many women who work feel like they are doing their kids a disservice and many women who stay home feel like they are doing themselves a disservice. That is so unfortunate, because in this day and age we shouldn't be made to feel guilty about the choices that we make regarding our decision to work and raise families. It's taken several soul searches to make my peace with my decision because I was an active teacher and musician before I had children. I always knew that I would stay at home with my daughters, I just never knew how much I would love it. But, for a while, at least, I thought the more I stayed away from music and teaching, the more I would miss opportunities to stay fresh and current in the field and it would be too difficult to get back. But, then I realized it was just difficult to let that part of me, not just that part of my life, but a part of myself that I really liked--the independent, money-making, musician and teacher self- behind me. Now, I realize that I don't have to have a strict set of rules for my life--not everything has to happen at a certain time and place in my life--and that it's important to live more in the now. I hope this attitude will help me not to miss out on all of the wonderful things in my new life.

At 27, I feel like I'm in a pretty good place in my life. I have many blessings and many things to be grateful for today. So, I'm not even making a plan for 30. What will 30 look like? My first daughter will be five years old. Her turning five and being ready for kindergarten and me being 30 will definitely provoke some reflection, but I hope that I will have the wisdom to know that I am still not old, just older.