Christmas Reflections

I spent the weekend with my husband's family; oh I know we're married, so it's my family too, but you know what I mean. If you don't know what I mean, let me try to explain.

Have you ever spent a big holiday, like Christmas, with the in-laws and really really immersed yourself with them so that you get to live all of their traditions? That's what I did this weekend. How surprisingly wonderful it was. I just didn't know what to expect at all. I thought it would be weird. Almost like mooching Christmas.

Well, for example, my husband and I have already started our own traditions, like the Christmas Cactus (read: not an actual Christmas Cactus but a regular cactus with tiny bulbs, or what my husband and I did during our first Christmas because our apartment was too small for a real tree and even now with a much larger living space, we still keep a Christmas Cactus.) So what were we going to do when, now 28, with two children, we were depending on family to completely fill the Christmas tradition void? It felt like it was like going backwards in a way. How could we just erase our own small traditions and just spend our Christmas pretending that nothing was unusual? We didn't (AT ALL) do two of the Christmas staples: --no cards, no presents--plus, we weren't responsible for two others---no picking the tree, no cooking of the food. No. Not a bit of it. And it had a profound effect on the way I felt about the lead-up to Christmas, because apart from the sound of Christmas music on my radio, without my girls and our, albeit short, list of traditions, it was hard to get in the Christmas frame of mind. Instead, all I could think about was how I was going to be spending the whole weekend with my in-laws because we are too broke to have our own Christmas. And, yet, it was a very special Christmas. Let me explain. Vignettes in no particular order.

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I delighted in watching my father-in-law spend the afternoon of the 24th on the dock with my daughter (3) and feed the fish and talk about oysters. All the while the two couldn't have looked more like a Norman Rockwell painting if Norman had painted it himself. Andy, the hyperactive chihuahua, was jumping over their legs as they layed on their tummies and peered over the dock at the barnacles, oysters, and clams. She soaked up every bit of information that Granddad had that day, as I'm sure her father did years ago. Later, when she was telling me excitedly about all the things granddad had taught her, I showed Natalie the "clam call", which she copied perfectly. It made me smile to think about Uncle Arthur teaching me the call years ago and remembering myself as a goofy kid wearing jeans rolled up to my knees walking out on the sand digging for clams, also soaking up anything he would tell me. All I really wanted for Christmas was for my girls to be happy and what could be more wonderful than Natalie spending an absolutely irreplaceable afternoon with her Granddad.

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My heart leaped with joy when I saw my husband sitting on the recliner on the sitting porch as I came around the corner from the kitchen. He looked at me, in that way, you know. It totally caught me off guard, because even though we haven't seen each other in a month, I had no idea we still had it in us or that it could be so close to the surface. Yes, it, is still there and that made me so happy. He missed me. And I missed him. And we felt like college kids all weekend. How ironic that I dreaded anything that would make me feel like I was going backwards, yet, the reconnection we made this weekend was just what we needed after several difficult months financially. The weekend was spent just sitting by the fire and being cozy and talking and smiling and laughing. Counting our blessings.

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The kids (seven) put together a video as a tribute to the matriarch and patriarch of the family and it absolutely moved me to tears. You know the phrase "a picture is worth a thousand words"? That applied here in nearly every frame. There were many family photos of the kids, particularly the oldest three, I hadn't ever seen. What a treat it was to see them; seems that much of the family history is still mystery. Yet, watching the video was kind of like watching everything else that unfolded this weekend; I got to see the family in a whole different way that was more up close and personal than ever before. The kids requested sappy, when the movie was being produced, and everyone expected tears, but the patriarch was absolutely bawling. It was sweet.

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It was a full house with ten at the dinner table. (Twenty if you count the split personalities.) So, with four sisters, and mom, and dad, and cousins, and granddad and grandma, the girls had a lot to keep them busy. So much so, that it was hard for them to wind down and take much needed naps. But we all survived, even when Natalie let out a bloody scream in the tub last night (Caroline tried to wash her leg AH! and then splashed her with some water, double ah!....SCREAM). Granddad gave me a little shoulder massage and double checked that all was okay, complimented me on my patience and said that I was a really good mother. Another wonderful Christmas gift because it has been really hard to be away from the girls for weeks at a time. It is sometimes hard to be the enforcer when you aren't around them all day every day---you want to just make happy memories, not to have to discipline....but of course, the discipline is so critical to their well being.

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On other fronts, I was also happy to be useful, even if that means just taking a couple of loads of laundry upstairs or pealing potatoes, or even just knowing when to listen. I was so relieved that Grandma let us help her this weekend as I worry about her making herself too tired.

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We went to church Christmas Eve at a special children's mass. Father invited all the kids up to the front near the alter and had a great sermon in an informal question and answer format with the kids. In the midst of talking about Santa, Jesus, and a host of Christmas traditions, Natalie blurts out, "Santa Claus called our house!" And the best part was that even though she was sitting way up at the front and we were too far back to see her, we knew it was her voice, as only her beautiful outgoing voice could sound so sweet. We all chuckled. (Grandparents made a point of letting Santa know that Natalie would not be in Florida for Christmas. Sweet of Santa to call and confirm the message, yes?)

The family numbered so many that night at church that we took up a whole pew. But on my way back to the bathroom to wipe the sticky candy cane from Caroline's face that the priest had given the kids, I noticed a woman with three kids, one of which was an infant no more than two or three months old, standing at the back. Yes, standing. I asked if she would like to come sit with us. She asked me if there would be enough room; I told her that we would make room. I told her that I had been there. I couldn't believe that anyone had let this woman with an infant, much less two other small children, stand for the whole mass. I was happy to help. And I would only mention it here because anyone reading is not likely to have been there. I don't mention it here to brag or say how great I am for offering someone a seat. On the contrary. This is only format that I feel I can simply explain what that moment meant to me WITHOUT feeling as though I am bragging by bringing it up. I don't mention it here other than to say how good it felt to be able to actually do something for someone that was so simple and didn't take any money at all. Christmas is about kindness. I was happy that she accepted my kindness, because I have been desperate to do something for someone after so many weeks of taking from people who love me.

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This weekend, I was also reminded again how much I really like Krissy and really wished that she lived nearby and have now even entertained the thought of introducing her to my brother if the opportunity ever presented itself. (FYI: She's very pretty, she a firefighter, and she's single.) And she is so sweet with my girls. She wants to put her money in Natalie's "Bank Bank" and loves washing Caroline's super sticky face, hands, hair, etc. and lets Caroline put "nail lip stick" on her. And, also, I really enjoyed talking with Trish about her job. Man, she is really good at what she does--just to hear her talk about her work at the museum. Really great to see her succeeding and so excited about what she's doing.

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After church and a big meal, and the video, we decorated the tree. There were a lot of ornaments, most were homemade. No one seemed overly in a hurry to decorate--to be the one to put the ornament on the tree, waiting instead for granddad to say, "here is your ornament, or remember this one? Put this one on...."....etc. Again, I was front row to a different family of traditions. ( By the way, Caroline loved putting the same ornament, a paper stocking..on and off the tree for about an hour. She was soooo cute. Natalie was very eager to help granddad. She was cute too.)

I was eager to decorate because I wanted the girls to go to bed before midnight...fearing the fits that were to come....but as I tried to find my place between not being an actual family member...in that none of the homemade ornaments were mine...and being someone who actually couldn't wait to see the tree completely decorated, as this really says "Christmas" to me, I found that there was something really special about being up really late on Christmas Eve decorating the tree.

My instincts were more to grab and stick in the interest of time. But somewhere in the middle of wanting desperately to see the tree complete, I was reminded that sometimes, even when it's late and everyone is tired, and Santa is coming soon, there is still a great deal of time for family traditions and stories, and creating memories that will last a lifetime. So, I soaked up every inch of the family traditions that were not my own, or our own, but now part of the fabric of Christmas memories for years to come.