Free Time

I know what you are thinking.

What does a mother of two small children know about "free time"?

It's a foreign concept, truly, as one shuffles from morning poop, to afternoon poop, and then of course, to evening poop. Repeat.

(That's the last of the poop talk, I promise).

I don't mean to suggest that being a mom is just about poop (oops, sorry!) or that I would have more free time without poop (really, that's the absolute last one, scout's honor!) It's just that for about a week now, I've had a unique opportunity to live as a pseudo-single woman due to some unfortunate but "that's life" circumstances.

I am without my husband or children or parents or really anyone that I know well except a few neighbors, as I work two part-time jobs. On Tuesday I was interviewed and hired to work a full time job, pending some negotiations regarding my state of residency.

But even with all of this work and job hunting....I have way more free time than I could have imagined and I don't know quite how to feel about it. I should be feeling great. Doesn't every mom, especially of small children, crave this? A little "alone time"? But, for one, there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Also, free time is for the pursuit of hobbies and such, not for worrying about stuff that's out of your control or, shoot, any type of worrying, at all. Dagnabit! And that's all I seem to be doing with my free time.

I call my girls twice a day and I send many e-mails and reply to work assignments. I do some banking and bill paying on line. I run a couple of errands. I do blog more. I even joined the 21st century with an IM. Also, I do manage to eat...but that takes up about 10 hours or so a day. I sleep for about 7. So, math wizards, that means I have about 7 hours to fill with perhaps one of the following:

1) more sleep

But I've tried and I can't; my internal clock just doesn't run that way now that I am a mom---can't sleep past 8am.

Sick, isn't it?

2) more eating

Nah, too broke to eat out and I'm not that hungry anyway.

Anyhow, this picture kinda suppresses any appetite I might have had.

OR, finally,

3) spend even more time on the computer

Yeash, that's just begging for Carpal Tunnel's Syndrome.

So, what to do? I did flip around the TV last night and the only thing that was on was: The Best of Autopsy: A Sex Crimes Special. (Can you even believe that was a show???)

I wrote last year about "Entertaining Ourselves" and how we spend the little free time we do have. That post was also about making the most of time and not wasting it. I don't feel like I am necessarily wasting time here; I am serving a purpose and I am doing important things. Its just that I find myself with an uncomfortable amount of free time. I want to make use of it but I'm not looking for a way to entertain myself, just keep myself busy so that the time apart from my girls seems to go by quicker. My neighbor as a kid dubbed me "the over scheduled child". Yeah, I like being busy. I thrive on having more versus less to do, even if I have pushed the upper limit from time to time.

Well, I do have my flute and guitar with me. I should play more. But I'm in such a rut. All I can think about is money. Christmas is about 10 days away and I have never been less in a holiday spirit. I was getting there with the snow fall and all the lights here and showing the girls the decorations and seeing their two cute snowmen. (Their first snow!!) But, without them, it's just not the same. It's just kind of lonely.

I know when I see my girls this weekend, I will feel better. I just want to hug them. Man, after all my whining in past posts about sleep, choices, and not being in a rush to do anything, all I really want right now is to be a busy mom.