Christmas Hysterics

Even if you don't know him or his family you will be laughing out loud at these picture-filled posts.

Hughes Christmas 2005, Part One

Hughes Christmas 2005, Part Two

Hughes Christmas 2004

Christmas Reflections

I spent the weekend with my husband's family; oh I know we're married, so it's my family too, but you know what I mean. If you don't know what I mean, let me try to explain.

Have you ever spent a big holiday, like Christmas, with the in-laws and really really immersed yourself with them so that you get to live all of their traditions? That's what I did this weekend. How surprisingly wonderful it was. I just didn't know what to expect at all. I thought it would be weird. Almost like mooching Christmas.

Well, for example, my husband and I have already started our own traditions, like the Christmas Cactus (read: not an actual Christmas Cactus but a regular cactus with tiny bulbs, or what my husband and I did during our first Christmas because our apartment was too small for a real tree and even now with a much larger living space, we still keep a Christmas Cactus.) So what were we going to do when, now 28, with two children, we were depending on family to completely fill the Christmas tradition void? It felt like it was like going backwards in a way. How could we just erase our own small traditions and just spend our Christmas pretending that nothing was unusual? We didn't (AT ALL) do two of the Christmas staples: --no cards, no presents--plus, we weren't responsible for two others---no picking the tree, no cooking of the food. No. Not a bit of it. And it had a profound effect on the way I felt about the lead-up to Christmas, because apart from the sound of Christmas music on my radio, without my girls and our, albeit short, list of traditions, it was hard to get in the Christmas frame of mind. Instead, all I could think about was how I was going to be spending the whole weekend with my in-laws because we are too broke to have our own Christmas. And, yet, it was a very special Christmas. Let me explain. Vignettes in no particular order.

***

I delighted in watching my father-in-law spend the afternoon of the 24th on the dock with my daughter (3) and feed the fish and talk about oysters. All the while the two couldn't have looked more like a Norman Rockwell painting if Norman had painted it himself. Andy, the hyperactive chihuahua, was jumping over their legs as they layed on their tummies and peered over the dock at the barnacles, oysters, and clams. She soaked up every bit of information that Granddad had that day, as I'm sure her father did years ago. Later, when she was telling me excitedly about all the things granddad had taught her, I showed Natalie the "clam call", which she copied perfectly. It made me smile to think about Uncle Arthur teaching me the call years ago and remembering myself as a goofy kid wearing jeans rolled up to my knees walking out on the sand digging for clams, also soaking up anything he would tell me. All I really wanted for Christmas was for my girls to be happy and what could be more wonderful than Natalie spending an absolutely irreplaceable afternoon with her Granddad.

****
My heart leaped with joy when I saw my husband sitting on the recliner on the sitting porch as I came around the corner from the kitchen. He looked at me, in that way, you know. It totally caught me off guard, because even though we haven't seen each other in a month, I had no idea we still had it in us or that it could be so close to the surface. Yes, it, is still there and that made me so happy. He missed me. And I missed him. And we felt like college kids all weekend. How ironic that I dreaded anything that would make me feel like I was going backwards, yet, the reconnection we made this weekend was just what we needed after several difficult months financially. The weekend was spent just sitting by the fire and being cozy and talking and smiling and laughing. Counting our blessings.

****

The kids (seven) put together a video as a tribute to the matriarch and patriarch of the family and it absolutely moved me to tears. You know the phrase "a picture is worth a thousand words"? That applied here in nearly every frame. There were many family photos of the kids, particularly the oldest three, I hadn't ever seen. What a treat it was to see them; seems that much of the family history is still mystery. Yet, watching the video was kind of like watching everything else that unfolded this weekend; I got to see the family in a whole different way that was more up close and personal than ever before. The kids requested sappy, when the movie was being produced, and everyone expected tears, but the patriarch was absolutely bawling. It was sweet.

****

It was a full house with ten at the dinner table. (Twenty if you count the split personalities.) So, with four sisters, and mom, and dad, and cousins, and granddad and grandma, the girls had a lot to keep them busy. So much so, that it was hard for them to wind down and take much needed naps. But we all survived, even when Natalie let out a bloody scream in the tub last night (Caroline tried to wash her leg AH! and then splashed her with some water, double ah!....SCREAM). Granddad gave me a little shoulder massage and double checked that all was okay, complimented me on my patience and said that I was a really good mother. Another wonderful Christmas gift because it has been really hard to be away from the girls for weeks at a time. It is sometimes hard to be the enforcer when you aren't around them all day every day---you want to just make happy memories, not to have to discipline....but of course, the discipline is so critical to their well being.

****

On other fronts, I was also happy to be useful, even if that means just taking a couple of loads of laundry upstairs or pealing potatoes, or even just knowing when to listen. I was so relieved that Grandma let us help her this weekend as I worry about her making herself too tired.

***

We went to church Christmas Eve at a special children's mass. Father invited all the kids up to the front near the alter and had a great sermon in an informal question and answer format with the kids. In the midst of talking about Santa, Jesus, and a host of Christmas traditions, Natalie blurts out, "Santa Claus called our house!" And the best part was that even though she was sitting way up at the front and we were too far back to see her, we knew it was her voice, as only her beautiful outgoing voice could sound so sweet. We all chuckled. (Grandparents made a point of letting Santa know that Natalie would not be in Florida for Christmas. Sweet of Santa to call and confirm the message, yes?)

The family numbered so many that night at church that we took up a whole pew. But on my way back to the bathroom to wipe the sticky candy cane from Caroline's face that the priest had given the kids, I noticed a woman with three kids, one of which was an infant no more than two or three months old, standing at the back. Yes, standing. I asked if she would like to come sit with us. She asked me if there would be enough room; I told her that we would make room. I told her that I had been there. I couldn't believe that anyone had let this woman with an infant, much less two other small children, stand for the whole mass. I was happy to help. And I would only mention it here because anyone reading is not likely to have been there. I don't mention it here to brag or say how great I am for offering someone a seat. On the contrary. This is only format that I feel I can simply explain what that moment meant to me WITHOUT feeling as though I am bragging by bringing it up. I don't mention it here other than to say how good it felt to be able to actually do something for someone that was so simple and didn't take any money at all. Christmas is about kindness. I was happy that she accepted my kindness, because I have been desperate to do something for someone after so many weeks of taking from people who love me.

***

This weekend, I was also reminded again how much I really like Krissy and really wished that she lived nearby and have now even entertained the thought of introducing her to my brother if the opportunity ever presented itself. (FYI: She's very pretty, she a firefighter, and she's single.) And she is so sweet with my girls. She wants to put her money in Natalie's "Bank Bank" and loves washing Caroline's super sticky face, hands, hair, etc. and lets Caroline put "nail lip stick" on her. And, also, I really enjoyed talking with Trish about her job. Man, she is really good at what she does--just to hear her talk about her work at the museum. Really great to see her succeeding and so excited about what she's doing.

***

After church and a big meal, and the video, we decorated the tree. There were a lot of ornaments, most were homemade. No one seemed overly in a hurry to decorate--to be the one to put the ornament on the tree, waiting instead for granddad to say, "here is your ornament, or remember this one? Put this one on...."....etc. Again, I was front row to a different family of traditions. ( By the way, Caroline loved putting the same ornament, a paper stocking..on and off the tree for about an hour. She was soooo cute. Natalie was very eager to help granddad. She was cute too.)

I was eager to decorate because I wanted the girls to go to bed before midnight...fearing the fits that were to come....but as I tried to find my place between not being an actual family member...in that none of the homemade ornaments were mine...and being someone who actually couldn't wait to see the tree completely decorated, as this really says "Christmas" to me, I found that there was something really special about being up really late on Christmas Eve decorating the tree.

My instincts were more to grab and stick in the interest of time. But somewhere in the middle of wanting desperately to see the tree complete, I was reminded that sometimes, even when it's late and everyone is tired, and Santa is coming soon, there is still a great deal of time for family traditions and stories, and creating memories that will last a lifetime. So, I soaked up every inch of the family traditions that were not my own, or our own, but now part of the fabric of Christmas memories for years to come.

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Merry Christmas!

Did I mention that the girls didn't cry when they sat on Santa's lap this year?

Here is a funny link to all kinds of sad and scary Santa Experiences.

Hope your Christmas is full of Joy.

Free Time

I know what you are thinking.

What does a mother of two small children know about "free time"?

It's a foreign concept, truly, as one shuffles from morning poop, to afternoon poop, and then of course, to evening poop. Repeat.

(That's the last of the poop talk, I promise).

I don't mean to suggest that being a mom is just about poop (oops, sorry!) or that I would have more free time without poop (really, that's the absolute last one, scout's honor!) It's just that for about a week now, I've had a unique opportunity to live as a pseudo-single woman due to some unfortunate but "that's life" circumstances.

I am without my husband or children or parents or really anyone that I know well except a few neighbors, as I work two part-time jobs. On Tuesday I was interviewed and hired to work a full time job, pending some negotiations regarding my state of residency.

But even with all of this work and job hunting....I have way more free time than I could have imagined and I don't know quite how to feel about it. I should be feeling great. Doesn't every mom, especially of small children, crave this? A little "alone time"? But, for one, there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Also, free time is for the pursuit of hobbies and such, not for worrying about stuff that's out of your control or, shoot, any type of worrying, at all. Dagnabit! And that's all I seem to be doing with my free time.

I call my girls twice a day and I send many e-mails and reply to work assignments. I do some banking and bill paying on line. I run a couple of errands. I do blog more. I even joined the 21st century with an IM. Also, I do manage to eat...but that takes up about 10 hours or so a day. I sleep for about 7. So, math wizards, that means I have about 7 hours to fill with perhaps one of the following:

1) more sleep

But I've tried and I can't; my internal clock just doesn't run that way now that I am a mom---can't sleep past 8am.

Sick, isn't it?

2) more eating

Nah, too broke to eat out and I'm not that hungry anyway.

Anyhow, this picture kinda suppresses any appetite I might have had.

OR, finally,

3) spend even more time on the computer

Yeash, that's just begging for Carpal Tunnel's Syndrome.

So, what to do? I did flip around the TV last night and the only thing that was on was: The Best of Autopsy: A Sex Crimes Special. (Can you even believe that was a show???)

I wrote last year about "Entertaining Ourselves" and how we spend the little free time we do have. That post was also about making the most of time and not wasting it. I don't feel like I am necessarily wasting time here; I am serving a purpose and I am doing important things. Its just that I find myself with an uncomfortable amount of free time. I want to make use of it but I'm not looking for a way to entertain myself, just keep myself busy so that the time apart from my girls seems to go by quicker. My neighbor as a kid dubbed me "the over scheduled child". Yeah, I like being busy. I thrive on having more versus less to do, even if I have pushed the upper limit from time to time.

Well, I do have my flute and guitar with me. I should play more. But I'm in such a rut. All I can think about is money. Christmas is about 10 days away and I have never been less in a holiday spirit. I was getting there with the snow fall and all the lights here and showing the girls the decorations and seeing their two cute snowmen. (Their first snow!!) But, without them, it's just not the same. It's just kind of lonely.

I know when I see my girls this weekend, I will feel better. I just want to hug them. Man, after all my whining in past posts about sleep, choices, and not being in a rush to do anything, all I really want right now is to be a busy mom.

The Fisherman

A Cape Islander rests like a postcard photograph
In Rose Bay.
My stone skips across its shadow, cast clumsily about the
Gentle rippling water.
A perfect forest of pine trees form a line at the edge of the beach.
Charcoal Blue Rocks jet out from the
Lightly pebbled sand.
A wooden smoke house that has seen
It's share of Nova Scotia winters
Lies just above the high tide mark.

A man awakens to the peaceful hour of 3:oo am.
He fixes himself a cup of coffee,
Black.
Fetching the soiled orange rubber gloves from the
Closet
He swollows the last drop of
Coffee
And heads for the warf.

Waving to Frank in his
Dory
The man briefly tosses the gloves to the ground
Unties the thick tattered
Ropes,
And sets of into the harbor.

RobSam

You're the best!

Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey

A reporter on the all-news/talk radio station in D.C. reported that December 8th marked the 25th Anniversary of John Lennon's death. Part of his report was that, " Lennon, member of the Beatles---arguably one of the most influential musicians in the 20th century..."

STOP

Huh?

Does he mean that they were influential musicians, or, that they were one of the most influential groups on music of the 20th Century?

There is a difference.

Why do so many people confuse "popular" with "influential?" The two are not necessarily the same. The Beatles were absolutely influential on American culture, and yes, music is one part of cultural identity, but that's reverse logic and misses the point. What I'm getting at is that to qualify as one of the most influential musicians of a given time period you must be more than just really really popular.

I'm not naive. Certainly over the course of the 1960s they branched out and really challenged the ear of the popular music listener so that some of what they produced was very "sophisticated" [out-there, or revolutionary, however you want to take that] at least for popular tastes. Regardless of its level of "sophistication", though, people are still humming every track of the Sgt. Pepper album, so much so that "catchy" doesn't do it justice. However, the reporter wasn't implying that John Lennon was one of the most influential musicians of the 20th century, although I would argue that he was more so than the group was, the reporter was stating, and almost as an ad lib, like, hey everyone knows this but, "the Beatles were arguably one of the most influential musicians of the 20th century."

I must, however, separate their cultural influence from their musical influence. The first overshadows the second to such an extent it's sometimes hard to historically put into context what brilliant musicians the Beatles were. Richie Unterberger does it well, though, when he writes:

"....[The Beatles] synthesized all that was good about early rock & roll, and changed it into something original and even more exciting. They established the prototype for the self-contained rock group that wrote and performed its own material. As composers, their craft and melodic inventiveness were second to none, and key to the evolution of rock from its blues/R&B-based forms into a style that was far more eclectic, but equally visceral. As singers, both John Lennon and Paul McCartney were among the best and most expressive vocalists in rock; the group's harmonies were intricate and exhilarating. As performers, they were (at least until touring had ground them down) exciting and photogenic; when they retreated into the studio, they were instrumental in pioneering advanced techniques and multi-layered arrangements. They were also the first British rock group to achieve worldwide prominence, launching a British Invasion that made rock truly an international phenomenon."

Even some of that paragraph points to their pioneering work as media giants as much as it does their musical contributions.

Let's also not forget that were it not for Astrid Kircherr, a groupie, suggesting their trademark haircuts, or Brian Epstein, their manager, for polishing them up with suits and ties and holding them together until his tragic death, or, Ed Sullivan who put them on T.V., or, producer, George Martin, for turning core Beatle ideas into masterpieces of music. ( Martin deserves more than just some credit for their overall and eventual musical influence.) But how about simply the fact that throughout their career, their commercial success was number one and their exploration of musical frontiers was second? (For example: Even with all that success they still felt compelled to make a completely random film: Magical Mystery Tour.)

I guess that's the way it is in the music business, in reality, you only get to do what you really really want to do when you've reached a phenomenal amount of commercial success. So given the chance to stop touring and retreat to the studio what they produced was, at times, more than brilliant than ever before. But what launched the Beatles was not just their amazing knack for a sing along melody, but their brilliant use of 20th century technology to sell their image. In this way, the Beatles absolutely influenced music of the 20th century, and beyond, as it's impossible to argue that some musicians today get to the top of the charts with musical talent alone. (Read:Brittany Spears.) The Beatles are hardly the Anna Kournikova of music though. The dudes can perform, they can write, make no mistake, but their image evolves into an icon of culture and cultural identity and it almost completely overshadows their pure influence on music of the 20th Century.

Were the lessons of the Beatles to the Stones or the Byrds really about music or marketing?

The Beatles were definitely well marketed, using television and film to further their image, and unfortunately that always keeps their music second in terms of influence. Was "All You Need is Love" popular for pushing musical boundaries or because it spoke to the cultural identity of a generation in one exquisite phrase? In the mid-1960s, the enormous popularity of the Beatles actually ends their live performing, as touring becomes very tiresome with fans cheering so obsessively that it drowns out the singing. Then, when they finally retreat to the studio, sure to write some of their best stuff, well, yes with all of their success they earned the right to experiment, they had finally gotten the commercial monkey off their back, but as much as I love "Yellow Submarine", and I do, that's the best that can be said of 1966. So, musically the were starting to venture away from their early rock influences that laid the foundation of their first hits, but they still got plenty of headlines, especially after Lennon remarked about their place in relation to Jesus. oops. Were their headlines mostly about the music? No. Their image consistently took over their music for headlines. Unfortunate, but true.

I contest that the shape of 20th century music was influenced infinitely more by so many others. So much so, that I'm not even sure that the Beatles make the top ten.....maybe. Just because something is popular...such as the Beatles were...and the coined term Beatlemania explains it all (I just checked and there were 447,000 hits on Google for Beatlemania)...they were popular because the music they played was, especially early on, catchy, and catchy just doesn't fit the bill when in comes to changing the course of music as we know it. Changing the course of how we perceive musicians, maybe. Changing the course of the Beach Boy's careers, maybe. Changing popular culture, one that elevates celebrities to an unhealthy level, definitely. Overall influence on 20th century music and music of the 21st? Survey says?.... "Ennnnn".

Popular music has always been "catchy", hence what makes it popular. The Beatles performed music that was upbeat and hummable. They did a great job of drawing on their musical influences (early rock and Motown) to write original material as well as juice up some R&B songs and it certainly caught on quickly. One could easily remember the refrain.... "She loves you ya, ya ,ya." But was it the music that really drew us in, or was it the image? By definition, a popular song includes a refrain that repeats and, if it's any good, people remember it. Great job, Beatles, but please thank Steve for launching that one. "I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee."

Of course now we're talking about a whole different century...Foster died about 100 years before the Beatles landed in America. And Foster's songs are not P.C. But I digress.

My main objection to heralding the Beatles' influence on music is that they actually did more to launch the other elements of modern day celebrity. They sold their image as well (read: hair) and that is what made them morph from musicians to cultural icons. Would the Beatles have been as popular without T.V? Doubtful. So consider their cultural influence as how they made their mark on our memories, but as far as their mark on music; it's there, but somewhere on the list, and lower than most people would say, I think. That's unfortunate in a way because, as I stated earlier, they really are a darn good bunch of musicians. They did have more than just "some" influence on music. But, again, it's hard to separate music from culture. However, let's briefly eliminate the POP part of popular music.

(Okay, so, the man did say, arguably, after all, and I am arguing)...here's my partial list....

I would give the 20th Century nod (in no particular order) to John Coltrane, Miles Davis, Cole Porter, Louis Armstrong, Frank Sinatra, Mahalia Jackson, George and Ira Gershwin, Scott Joplin, heck even Elvis, Madonna and Curt Cobane (and these folks especially were image sellers, too) before I gave a thought to the Beatles. And that's just popular music, what about Rachmaninoff, Stravinsky, John Cage, and Phillip Glass and their influence on 20th Century music? Being a popular musical group doesn't mean that you necessarily changed the direction of music which the other people I listed most certainly did. (You may be thinking, well even Sergei advertised with Victor Talking Machine Company (RCA Victor)... but was he trying to sell his music or his image along with it?)

Beatles, I love you, you wrote hit after hit after hit, and I can sing right along with you, but I can't give you the nod for the most influential musicians of the 20th century. You are on the list, no doubt, just a lot further down, okay? TIME gives you the nod, though, and more individuals read TIME than my blog, so well, score one for the Beatles! *wink*

Two Good Friends

Did you ever have one of those friends in your life that you could always talk to about anything no matter how long it had been since you last spoke, no matter how important or personal the topic, someone you just seemed to connect to even though you never really knew why? That maybe, in any different set of circumstances you might never have met, and now from time to time you wonder what sort of larger purpose was there that the two of you did meet and keep in touch despite a stack of reasons a mile high for you to lose contact forever? Did this friend ever lift you up in the most wonderful ways just when you needed it and keep you from thinking that the world was kind of caving in around you? Maybe it was with a compliment or just a quick e-mail or letter that says, hey I'm still here. I have a friend like that. I have two. Thanks TM. Thanks EWOH.